There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love

(Credit: Alison Christiana/HarperOne)

It’s not the awkward attempts at comfort that hurt the most when you’re grieving — it’s the silence of those you thought would be there for you.

Kelsey Crowe made this painful discovery after she lost her mother — who was her sole parent and family member — to mental illness when she was in her early 20’s.

“I experienced the loss of my entire, but very small family pretty much alone — with no recognition,” Crowe shared with me in our recent interview for “Inflection Point.”

“There were no cards, there were no invitations for the holidays, there was no record of people’s memories of my mom when she was well. And clearly the absence of all those things in that scenario was a very amplified version of what so many of us go through in difficult times.”

Years later, when her dear friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, she agonized over how to reach out–and chose to wait to be asked for help.

The problem is when people are in pain, Crowe observed, “the neediness that comes about with intense loss of any kind can cause a lot of shame. You don’t want to be that needy person — you want …read more


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